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Channel: YoBeat: Making Fun of Snowboarding Since 1997 » Oliver Dixon
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Oliver’s Tips to Making Friends at a New Resort

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Things can get weird when you leave your home state or hill to venture out to new territories. Vibes can seem to bear down on you like a looming thunderstorm who has yet to ruin your day, yet puts a sort of restraint on your fun just by posing a possibility. The best way to combat this is to retain your comfort and befriend the locals. The following was written with the purpose of providing a social lubricant of sorts so you don’t blow it by going in dry.

Hike a feature

One of the most universally accepted bonding experiences in snowboarding is having hike sessions with your friends in order to learn new tricks. If you join a session and you aren’t being a complete cock strangler, then theoretically, you will become friends by default. It doesn’t matter if you think you suck, a lot of people have respect for those who are simply stepping out of their comfort zone.

However, there are two side notes to this:

1. You shouldn’t invite yourself to a film session. As a matter of fact don’t even ask unless you’ve made friends with them already by using other geurilla friend-obtaining tactics.

2. Don’t ride blatantly out of your skill level. The homies are going to think you’re some kind of dry humping fuck boy if you’re just leaching yourself into zeaches over and over again. Mutual progression= heartfelt high fives. Heartfelt high fives = new friends.

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Friendship Candy

Individually wrapped IRL friend requests. Preferably Starbursts or something with limited wrapping. It sucks to carry trash around all day and littering is for holocaust deniers, so make sure you either bring something that won’t be bothersome to have in your pocket, or throw that shit in the proper receptacle.

Beer and drugs can also work but aren’t as innocent or easy to pull off. The only thing better than drugs is free drugs.

Be a girl

Guys think they’re so damn nifty when they get some random chick to take laps with them. Use this to your advantage. Make even more friends by calling guys out for zeaching in front of his friends. Who doesn’t like a babe with a bit of ‘tude?

It can also help to simply look like a girl. The goal here is to get someone to try and holler at you then make fun of them for doing so. That shit is funny and provides laughs that will be appreciated for decades. At least there’s the possibility of you finding your target attractive yourself and finding out something new and exotic about yourself. It’s 2014 for God’s sake, go prison gay or go home. (Prison gay is applicable to certain resort towns, btw.)

Handplants

Dump ‘em if you got ‘em. Handplants are not only fun, but also a great way to tell the world, “hey, I am somebody, people like me.” Some say he who controls the handplants controls the industry. You look important when you do handplants. It’s snowboarding’s version of a lab coat. People will want to know what you’re up to.

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Throw change at the lift line crowd

Those who rush to collect it are probably doing so because they see it as “free malt liquor.” These are the people who a bumming it to live close to the hill and are probably the ones you want to make friends with. You also get the added joy of pelting people with small metal objects, a past time enjoyed by psychopaths since their humble origins. Which is at least 3 years probably.

Lie

Tell some ridiculous stories on the lift. Even if they figure you out you will be introduced or pointed out to others as “the guy that told me he has three dicks.” Which is sure to attract a rad crowd.

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Once you have secured some sexy new friends you can exchange info and offer them the opportunity to crash at your place if they ever come through, which usually results in a return offer of the same. Boom, you’re a loc and you have a place to crash next time. Just make sure you bring beer.

Illustrations by Jodie Beechem.


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